Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Tango withdrawal symptoms

I cannot dance, says the doctor, for two or three weeks (then we'll see - meaning it could be even longer?)!!!

I am in a state of shock. It hadn't occured to me at all in the beginning - I thought, as soon as I can walk, I can dance - what could be more natural... Well, apparently not, I have to give my ankle some time to heal. But when will it be good enough to resist the tension of dance steps? Never mind the pain, but will it be as flexible and quick as before? I am constantly switching between panic and irritation..

And it is Wednesday, I should be going to my favourite milonga, but.. there I am, not knowing what to do; I feel totally lost. And, with horror, I realize the importance of tango in my life. Two weeks seem an eternity. I would go to the milonga, just to watch, but the idea of going there in my street shoes seems bizarre - I couldn't do that, it just feels totally wrong. And I would probably go crazy watching others dance when I know I can't be on the dancefloor myself.

I have been looking at an analysis of alcohol withdrawal symptoms and comparing them to mine, just out of curiosity:

Mild to moderate psychological symptoms
Feeling of jumpiness or nervousness - well, restlessness, yes; but it's only natural - not going to tango on a Wednesday night has broken a certain routine...
Feeling of shakiness -
not in particular - apparently the addiction is more mental rather than physical, thank God.
Anxiety - oh, definitely; will the ankle be all right? am I going to be able to dance like before? what will people think, not seeing me around for so long? and, WHEN will I be able to dance?
Irritability or easily excited - I am terribly irritable. I sit at a party, with very little sympathy for the people around who seem to be having fun, thinking 'Why do I have to be here? I should be at a milonga!'
Emotional volatility, rapid emotional changes - hard to say since even under normal circumstances..
Depression -
yes, yes, yes!
Fatigue - I wish! like I said, coming back home at night with my feet not hurting at all, except the accursed ankle, just doesn't seem right... plus I have all this time to sleep now - I still can't get used to it.
Difficulty with thinking clearly - hmm, let's see... no.
Bad dreams - as a rule I never remember my dreams. So who knows.
Mild to moderate physical symptoms - mild, very mild.
Headache - general, pulsating - no, not on top of everything else!
Sweating, especially the palms of the hands or the face - as above..
Nausea - well, yes, I feel slightly nauseous when imagining what my dancing will be like after a couple of weeks abstinence; I am trying hard not to think about it though.
Vomiting - no; but what an awful thought!
Loss of appetite - on the contrary; or rather more time to eat now, whereas when I used to go dancing in the evening, I often simply didn't have the time to eat dinner, and forgot all about it once I started dancing.
Insomnia, sleeping difficulty - only it IS so unusual to have the whole night to sleep now..
Paleness - ???
Rapid heart rate (palpitations) - yes, at the thought of dancing again!
Eyes, pupils different size (enlarged, dilated pupils) - haven't noticed, but who knows..
Abnormal movements - limping instead of dancing? definitely abnormal...
Severe symptoms
A state of confusion and hallucinations (visual) -- known as delirium tremens - now that I think of it - I am confused (disoriented, cf. above), my life seems to lack order; and I frequently hallucinate about tango steps, music, milongas...
Agitation -
yes; and the longer it takes my ankle to heal, the worse it gets.
Fever - not yet...
Convulsions - not yet...
"Black outs" -- when the person forgets what happened during the drinking episode - not applicable, seeing as I don't have any tango episodes to forget at the moment :-((

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice way to put it! I feel your words. I been there. Knee injure in a soccer match. Not nice. But I follow Froid teachings and I put my libido somewhere else. I deeply love tango, but I don't want to be a Tango-addict. I don't want to be addict to nothing, really.
But I know its hard. Try to rest, and sleep well, you really will gonna need those extra hours of sleep when you start to milonguear again.
And please, do yourself a favor: Don't dance until you get complete fine! (yes, my english sucks, I know)
Anyway, how we said in Argentine: "Que te sea leve!"
Besos!

Eva said...

Hi there, I really enjoyed reading your blog... informative and well written. I just started my own a few months ago. Would love to cross link. Please let me know your thoughts.

Besos,
Eva

Eva said...

Oops! Here's the link:

www.thetangoaddiction.blogspot.com